Retirement Humor
Often a centerpiece at retirement parties, retirement humor is a way of expressing with laughter that those who retire will soon be gone but never forgotten. Here is a collection of retirement humor which will keep ‘em laughing all night long! Games Old Folks Play
One Last Wish An old man laid upon his deathbed. He had been a penny-penching miser all his life. As he lay dying, he called for his wife and said, “I want you to promise me that when I’m gone, you’ll take all my money and bury it in the casket with me. I want to take it into the afterlife.” The wife promised. A few days later, the husband died. They held his funeral service. Next came the burial service. Just as they were getting ready to lower the casket into the ground, the wife said, “Wait! There’s something I must do first.” She went over to the casket, opened it, and laid a small box inside. When she was finished, they completed the burial. Her sister said, “What was that all about?” “My husband made me promise to bury all his money with him,” the wife replied. “You didn’t!” the sister asked. The faithful wife answered, “I promised him I would. I’m a Christian woman, and I couldn’t go back on my word.” “So you just threw all that money in there with him?” the sister said. “Absolutely,” responded the wife. “I withdrew every penny from his account, put it into mine, and wrote him a check. All he has to do is endorse it, and it’s all his.” Secret to A Happy Marriage The neighbors decided to throw a party for a couple in the neighborhood. The couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. A young couple about to be married walks up to them and says, “How did you do it? We’re getting ready to become husband and wife ourselves. What made your marriage so successful?” The husband answered, “It all started on our honeymoon. A few days into our honeymoon, we decided to go horse riding. The trail was difficult and before too long, the horse my wife sat on stumbled. My wife’s canteen of water flew out of her hand. ‘That’s once,’ my wife softly said to the horse. A few minutes later, the horse again lost its footing. This time, my wife barely managed to keep from falling off. Once again she quietly spoke and said, ‘That’s twice.’ We made it a few miles, but just before we reached the destination, the horse got tripped up a third time. My wife quietly pulled out a small pistol and shot the horse in the head. I was shocked. I screamed, ‘Are you crazy! What made you kill that poor animal?’ She turned and looked at me. ‘That’s once.’ We’ve lived happily ever after ever since.” Here’s a fitting end to the retirement humor—known as the senility prayer: Senility Prayer “Lord, grant me the senility to forget the people I never really liked in the first place, the fortune to meet up with the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.”
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