“Not me, I’m retiring.” Ha, ha, ha.
OK, that one was pretty corny,but if you’re looking for some good retirement jokes, look no further.
Whether you labored hard all your life or didn’t do a darn thing, here is an collection of elderly humor. Enjoy!
A young woman sat down to eat lunch at a local restaurant. She noticed an elderly couple two tables down who had ordered only one meal with two drinking cups. As she studied them, the elderly man vigilantly cut the chicken sandwich in half. Next, he counted out exactly half the French fries and gave half to his wife. Finally, he picked up his drink and poured half of it into the empty cup. The old man started to eat, while the wife sat and watched him.
The young woman came over to the table and offered to buy another meal for the couple so they wouldn’t be forced to split the one meal in half. “Oh goodness, no,” the old man said. “My wife and I have been married for 65 years and we have always shared everything 50/50.” So the young woman asked the wife if she was planning to eat. She answered, “It’s his turn to use the teeth.”
A couple went out to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary. As they were driving home, the wife noticed her husband’s eyes getting moist. “Hunny, are you getting teary-eyed because we’ve celebrated 50 happy years together.” He responds, “No, I was just thinking back to just before our wedding day. Your dad pulled out a shotgun and threatened to have me tossed in prison for 50 years unless I married you. Tomorrow I would have been a free man.”
Dancing at the Country Club
Two older women were talking about a dance to be held at a country club in a few days. Mrs. Davis said, “I’ve decided to wear black since we are supposed to dress in something that matches our spouse’s hair.” Mrs. Duncan said in reply, “Oh goodness, I better not go.”
For additional retirement jokes, you can turn to several places. You can search various web sites which have numerous jokes, as well as retirement poems, wishes, and gift ideas. The one thing to remember about retirement jokes is that there are all kinds of jokes out there. Be careful about telling off-color jokes, for example, unless you know that no one will be offended by them.
Another place to go for retirement jokes is your local bookstore or library. Both places will have a good collection of material of all kinds. You never know what you will find! So whether you’re having fun with a boss or friend who is retiring or you are the one leaving work, have fun with the retirement.